Kids and Screens

There, I said it. Now, breathe.

Everyone has an opinion about children and screen-time and there appear to be two distinct camps. On the one side is people like my sister, who is more draconian about limiting her kids’ screen time than she is about limiting their sugar. Similarly, one of my close friends believes her kids are addicted to YouTube and has cautioned me not to even let my daughter know that screens exist for as long as possible. On the other side of the spectrum are friends who think it’s unrealistic to try to restrict kids from having screens. These are the ones whose kids have each had their own tablets from the moment they had the manual dexterity to hold one.

I find myself in between these two extremes. Screens are a prominent and unavoidable feature of the world we live in. If you want to prevent your kids from using screens, you’d better be prepared to give them all up yourself too (along with any activity that requires them, like, say, your job). And then there’s also the rude awakening that might slap your kids in the face when one day, as young adults and free from the tyranny of your restrictions, they discover the simultaneous wonder and horror of what these devices and services can offer, yet are completely unprepared and untrained for how to incorporate them into their lives in a healthy manner (perhaps an extreme scenario, I’ll admit, but I think the underlying principle is still valid).

On the other hand, screens can absolutely be addictive. There’s little doubt that the services we use screens to access, like YouTube, Netflix, and pretty much all social media, operate according to a business model in which their success is dependent upon our continued engagement. So letting young kids, whose self-discipline muscles are a bit underdeveloped (to say the least) engage with these devices and services without any limits at all may not be the best idea either.

Instead, I believe that kids need to be taught how to incorporate screens into their lives like so many other wonderful things – in moderation. And that’s the philosophy under which my husband and I have been operating. Ultimately, we believe it will yield better results, but, as we’re now learning, it’s really difficult to put into practice.

Our daughter is now a two-nager, and, as I’ve mentioned in the past, is utterly obsessed with electronic devices. Not all screens, mind you– half the time she could care less about the television, even if it’s playing Sesame Street on a perpetual loop. No, phones and tablets are her thing. She loves tap, tap, tapping at screens and making something happen. Until recently, the worst outcomes of her aimless tapping were rather mild, like taking multiple pictures of the many boogers up her nose, changing the display language to Chinese and ordering a 5-quart bottle of motor oil with an automatic subscription. No biggie, right?

But as she has gotten older, she has also realized that a device could give her more than just the satisfaction of making the pictures on the screen move and change. Now, thanks to my dad, she has now discovered that phones can play videos. Videos of animated characters singing songs about eating vegetables and monkeys falling out of bed.

At first, I didn’t mind her watching these videos with my dad, since he is mobility challenged and can’t really run around after an energetic toddler. In fact, my husband and I soon came to see the value of having a tablet available to her when we needed to be doing other things. It’s reassuring to know that while I’m cooking dinner and he’s working in his office, our curious two year old will be securely focused on her videos, and not climbing up a bookcase or throwing blunt objects at the television.

But then, of course, there inevitably comes the moment when I have to take the device away from her. Maybe it’s dinner time, or naptime, or maybe I simply decide it’s time she moved around a bit so she doesn’t get stuck in that head-down, folded-over position permanently (I do care, after all). Whatever the reason, this is the moment when my toddler turns into a fire-breathing monster, like Jack-Jack in The Incredibles. And this is also the moment that we realize why there are people who fear letting their kids use screens.

Having had a significant amount of childcare experience AND being an expert in media and communications, I still think that kids can develop a healthy relationship with screens, even ones as young as my daughter. That being said, however, I don’t have any specific advice one way or the other at the moment, as this is still a process we are figuring out. Sometimes our toddler will give up the tablet on her own. She just gets bored with it or is tired of sitting around. Other times, we have to pry it from her tightly clenched fingers. And her reaction can vary from crying for two minutes and then getting over it to eardrum-shattering screaming for what seems like hours.

One thing of which I have no doubt, however, is that we will get there. We will figure out a routine and/or a strategy that will work for her and she will be able to successfully manage herself in the screen-dependent society she was born into.

Whether we will be able to stay sane until that happens remains to be seen.